I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
