when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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