my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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