I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
