I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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