i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
