dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
