someone owes me an orgasm
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
