piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
