Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
