i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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