saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
