I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
