Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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