so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
