WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
