Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
