his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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