I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I smell stomach acid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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