clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
