You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
