Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
