Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
