and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
