the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
as a side note pls kill me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
