I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize