im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
