Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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