dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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