it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
