Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
