What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
