I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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