I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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