i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
