I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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