So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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