By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
