my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
