haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
