He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
