sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
