How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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