Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
