Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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