I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
