we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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