don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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