Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
