I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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