I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
