Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
