NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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