I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
