i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
