Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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