I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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