Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
