I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
