Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
