YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
