Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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