i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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