He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
