So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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