She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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