Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
