if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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